Addendum to “exceptions not rules” post

15 07 2010

You’ve been forwarned, I didn’t edit this. They are my thoughts and my heart. They may seem together or scattered. Good.

I’ve realized that the entitled “I hate to say it but I think we preach exceptions and not rules” was not fair to the other side of miracles.

I still believe that miracles are preached as common and not rare. And I definitely believe that we abuse that part of our faith. Jesus is only real to us in miracles when He certainly didn’t want us to seek Him because of His “stuff” even if His “stuff” could ultimately heal us, provide us with some security etc.

But I’m having not a change of heart, but an expansion of the heart. I can’t deny it. Miracles do happen. And they happen more rarely than often, but they do happen.

And I don’t want to dishonor because real miracles happen to real people. And things become supernaturally explained when there is not human explanation.

I do believe this.

I also believe in knowing Jesus because something deeper needs to happen in us that isn’t solely relief from physical suffering. I don’t know why, but I do. I guess because I believe we all have lived with physical, emotional or psychological suffering and many of us have gotten to a place of complete surrender where we have nothing else to say but “Lord, Your will be done.” We’re too tired to keep asking for healing, a check, our house or car, peace in that relationship that we sincerely ask for something last that should have been on our hearts first, God’s will. And many times that place is ripe ground for a miracle. And they happen. But we’re at our wit’s end.

But sometimes they don’t happen. Or they don’t happen like they happened for other people. We need healing and we get improved test results, we need a full scholarship and get a partial scholarship, we need peace with a parent, but we get a good day instead. Sometimes we get a portion of the miracle we expected. But we get something.

Please hear me: miracles matter. But maybe not in the way we think they do. I know I’m still forming what I think about miracles. My opinion may change tomorrow, but I know what I think about God. He’s always present even if He isn’t always solving some large problem. Maybe the solution is His presence in the first place.

Please know that I am always believing God for a miracle. But I also know that He may not answer the majority of my requests. The real test is how I feel about God when I don’t get what I think I need, want or desire.

What is most telling, for me, is how I love God when the only thing He does is forgive me and sit with me. Nothing else. I’m still maturing into how I should feel. I should be eternally grateful and God’s presence should be enough.

I don’t know. Sometimes God’s presence isn’t enough though. And I want tangible events to counter the mess in front of me. But I don’t get it. But sometimes I will.

I guess what I’m saying is that miracles are messy, and that I hope that amidst my hoping for some and doubting other miracles, that when the smoke clears the thing that remains in-tact is my faith in Jesus. I don’t want to believe in Jesus just because He promised to bless me and told me to ask God for things. I want to know Jesus because He is God and I want to know God not as a giver but as my Father.

I want things in this life, but if I don’t get them, I want to know that my faith hinges not on results I get but because of who God is.

I have a feeling that this is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn in my life.

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