Being twenty-something is such an awkward place.

1 07 2010

Being twenty-something is such an awkward place.

You’re just leaving or have been out of college for a few years. You’re either in graduate school or working where life is completely different from the bubble called curve grading, dining halls, and living approximately 50 feet or 5 blocks from your best friends.

But the most awkward and draining thing is figuring out how to be an adult child to your parents. It is completely hard, strange, frustrating and sometimes bad for us.

Especially when we concede to the painful fact that….every family has problems!

I said it.

I’ve realized that some families have more problems than others, but every single family has an issue. Most of us in our twenties wanted one or both of our parents to do something differently. And we wholeheartedly believe that if they did this one thing that way instead of this way, we wouldn’t have to deal with such and such. But it did happen this way so we must deal with such and such.

Especially in the church…

Relationships are messed up. In fact, they can be damaging, so damaging that the damaged people continue in a cyclical purgatory of pain and despair in the lives of other people. And we twenty-somethings need to be careful that anything we found damaging in childhood, whether it was parental techniques or lack thereof, does not emanate from our pores in vital peer-to-peer relationships.

We need to make sure we don’t mess all other relationships up because of one bad experience.

We need to make sure that rotten habits don’t spoil relationships that have potential.

But what about those people who are VERY messed up from relationships? What do they do?

I believe that instead of inflicting the same pain that crippled us onto others, we need to break the cycle of repetition. This involves not doing what others did to you. This involves not receiving payback. This involves us redeeming one another.

If Susie had a mentally-manipulative father and is tempted to be rash and immature amongst her friends, she must fight the urge to do so. She must also come to grips with the fact that she will not have an avenue to express her frustration like she’s probably hoped she would (not that she hopes to damage her relationships but what she’s dealt with, will most likely come out towards others). She has to swallow the fact that she may never get to express herself the way, she quite frankly, deserves to.

But she has to have people in her life. They need to be people who get where she’s coming from and can help her mourn the lost expression of frustration and anger she wishes to unleash (and that may leak out in relationships she never intends to experience it).

They need to be redeemers. If we lost a relationship early in life, we need to surround ourselves with people who can redeem the love we lost or never had by being in our complex lives in the first place.

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3 responses

10 08 2010
bendedspoon

i didn’t have time to be awkward in my 20’s — i married at 23 so gotta be a wifey and mommy. same with heather, pushed the other guys and married the persistent one. but it’s so true that one must try hard to resolve personal issues because its drippings will surely affect those we love. i would say that i am successful in this matter to a great extent but sometimes some trace of negativity shows. this is why i need grace from God the Father. let it end with me 🙂

16 08 2010
tomioredein

Amen.

1 07 2010
Heather

Yes! The buck stops here! The consequences of the sins of my forefathers and foremothers will NOT continue in another generation!

Do you know that out of fear I tried to push away every guy I ever dated and Lee (my husband) was the only one who wouldn’t budge?

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